Random Thoughts

Well Jason got the girls new professional pictures when the disk comes we can add them to the blog, man alive they grow so fast and grow up so fast.

The past few days have been rough at work, watching babies come BEFORE they are due is really hard. (ALL ARE IN THE NICU and fighters). But it just makes me wonder why some babies come early, why some babies won't come down at all and mom has to have a c/s and they come out these littel six pound babies. When sometimes well a mom is almost ready to deliver and all shrinks back down and swells. I guess GOD is in control and the timing is sometimes not ours but his, the whys are not always apparent.

As most people know we wanted to adopt again (probably me more than Jason but hey the RH never said NO) but lately I have been wondering if GOD is now trying to tell me something EVERY TIME I have signed up for extra shifts lately the past six months (and those shifts in my mind were to be put in an account so we would have money when the time was right for China again) I get called off or something happens were we need the money for something else this time it is the starter in one of the cars (at least it for now is only the starter). So I guess I am wondering since I still feel so strongly that there is one more child out there for us why this keeps happening. (I would adopt three or four more but we all know in the house daddy will only agree to one more than the two we have).

This summer my nephews and then my niece will be here and it just brings a different dimension to the house, my girls are just happier. My oldest is pretty lonely as she was on oldest child and though I have kept her busy with stuff growing up she has always been a bit lonely. Our youngest will face the same and as being adopted there will be things as she grows up that she faces that I cannot help her with, I so wanted her to be able to share with another person just like her for she will face things I know nothing about as an adult and I wanted her to have another who would understand. That is what drew me to go back to China. That and seeing the faces in the SWI I swore one day I would come back for one more.

So I still try to save and still pray that we finally have the go ahead from daddy to start the process once more. So all you out there pray that whatever the path ahead that I will accept GODS will. Hopefully it includes one more a boy or girl it doesnt matter. Hopefully the path will open up (25,000 dollars doesn't just grow on trees) and if the plan is a different one help me to accept where it is.

I hate my nephews and niece to go home because the house just looses the completeness and I hope whereever he/she is that my heart is searching for we can find.
Until then I try and sometimes better than others to not let the longing let me forget the two little wonders that God has blest me with so far.

Sometimes plans just don't turn out the way we think, you get sick and loose something that somedays just comes back and you and makes you question WHY.

So when I work I always pray before and after the shift for HIS will to be done and for me to be able to recogize the things that will make deliveries come smoothly and to stay calm in crisis.